As I write this, I am sitting at a marina in Fiji and October 2022 is almost over. SV Sierra Wind is on the hard and anchored down for the South Pacific tropical cyclone season, which usually extends into April. Eitan returned to California a few days ago to go back to work and I’ll be headed home in a couple of days to be with family and friends for the holiday season. The day this blog post goes live will be my 2-year anniversary aboard SV Sierra Wind after coming onboard October 31, 2020. Since my current blog posts are still in the middle of French Polynesia, I won’t give away too much, but wanted to provide my reflection and sentiments about the past year overall.
What an action-packed year it has been as we finished our time sailing in Mexico, met up with Eitan’s family for a week on the Yucatan Peninsula, after which I did a solo trip to dive and explore Belize. We did a quick charter in the Bahamas before setting sail across the biggest expanse of ocean in the world. We traveled across the Pacific, through French Polynesia, Rarotonga, American Samoa, Western Samoa, and Wallis and Futuna. Now, the boat rests at the dry storage yard in Fiji, strapped down for the approaching cyclone season. Since leaving San Diego, we have covered almost 20,000 nautical miles by boat, which would make me a pretty experienced sailor, I suppose.
When I look in the mirror, I see a different person than the one I was before moving aboard. My skin is tan, despite my efforts to cover up and wear sunscreen and my hair is a completely different shade, having become increasingly blonde from the continuous salt and UV exposure. I notice the development of fine lines and wrinkles forming around my eyes, likely from squinting in the sunshine combined with the fact that I am approaching my mid-30s. I have an upcoming dermatologist appointment to check for skin cancer and quickly Googled if the office offers Botox injections, as I contemplated joining many of my girlfriends in an effort to preserve the appearance of youth. Then I remember that these are the marks of a life being well lived and I should wear them with pride, not fight them due to vanity.
Of course, the changes are more than just skin deep. In the past year, I have gone through some of the most stressful times of my life. Never before have I experienced panic attacks that last for days or have been physically sick from anxiety. There is no “taking a break” at sea, and no option other than to face your fears. I should note that the stress is primarily a result of my anxiety and not because anything dangerous actually happened (knock on wood). But boy, does my mind have the ability to create dangerous scenarios! I hoped that passage-making would get easier after thousands of miles at sea, but it honestly hasn’t. I’ve just gotten better at recognizing the narratives my mind creates and know they don’t represent reality. Sometimes, knowing I made it through the worst days makes all the other days easier. The funny thing is that, no matter how often I tell myself never again, the minute we drop the anchor I always think well, that wasn’t so bad… that “Type 2” kind of fun. I quickly forget any distressing feelings when we find ourselves on a beautiful, pristine beach having sundowners with new friends.
Honestly, after comparing trips and stories with our cruising friends, we have been pretty lucky. SV Sierra Wind has been an excellent boat, especially given the fact that she was not designed to be a blue-water cruiser and sail around the world. With each passage, I appreciate different aspects of her design and know she is much more seaworthy than I give her credit for. But our “luck” has been primarily due to Eitan’s passage planning and making sure we have good conditions for the most comfortable trip possible. His love and attention to improving and maintaining the boat is the reason we have such a solid, safe vessel to carry us around the world. I often wonder what this trip would be like on a different boat with a different captain.
I’ve been asked a few times to provide an update about my relationship with Eitan. In my blog post looking back on Year 1, I shared ways that I have grown in our relationship and how much I’ve learned about myself through him. However, I failed to mention that our relationship is a bit less traditional in that we have no long-term commitments. Although I simply refer to him as my “boyfriend” to friends and family, we call each other “short-term life partners”. We have a common short-term goal of sailing the world, but our long-term visions for our futures diverge and are not necessarily compatible with each other. One day we will go our separate ways, which takes a lot of pressure off our relationship. We aren’t soulmates and don’t feel we need to be perfect for one another. We just have as much fun as we can living moment to moment. I wish more people had a chance to view relationships in this way and feel the emotional freedom that it allows. For now, I still continue to learn about myself through him every day and value the time we spend together as we explore new places.
Despite the stress and anxiety that comes with blue-water sailing and going days without seeing land, every single moment has been worth it. I feel incredibly lucky to travel the world this way, seeing so many remote places that most will never be able to access. Sometimes I worry that I am not enjoying it enough, and Eitan jokes that I can find a way to worry about everything, even having fun. It’s a constant struggle between being in the moment and documenting the moment to share with others. I hope one day I can bridge this gap. Looking back, the moments I cherish the most are simple and typically involve Eitan, some hermit crabs, and no cell service.
As of today, I have been on SV Sierra Wind every single day for the past 245 days and look forward to having some time off. After 8 months onboard, 6 countries, and about 30 islands, Eitan and I are both ready to slow down and enjoy some time at home for the holidays. My plans after the new year are up in the air, since the boat can’t go back in the water until the end of the cyclone season in April of 2023. I am considering some solo travel while Eitan works, perhaps backpacking around New Zealand for a while, before meeting Eitan back at the boat in Fiji at the end of cyclone season.
Since some of my favorite moments in the past year are still to come in my blog posts, I instead wanted to share some of the life lessons I have learned in the past two years since we set sail:
- Being present in the moment is the only way to slow down the passage of time. (Unfortunately, during passage you have no choice but to be present!)
- Salt water and humidity destroy everything.
- Coconut oil is better for sunburns than aloe vera.
- To experience higher highs, you need to go through lower lows.
- Cooking is more fun when you don’t have all the ingredients and the person sharing the meal with isn’t picky.
- Nothing is ever as scary as it seemed once the moment has passed.
- Bird poop is always easier to clean off when it’s fresh, and in general, feeling lazy is never a good excuse to postpone something, just do it.
- Magical experiences are guaranteed to happen whenever you don’t have a phone or camera to record them.
- When you find good cheese, buy more than you think you’ll need!
- Being quiet and observing nature is one of the greatest pleasures in life.
So love this post. It express so much.
❤️☮️🌍~🏴☠️