63. Looking Back on Year One

Being in Mexico City for Dia de los Muertos and Halloween also meant it was my one-year anniversary since hopping aboard S/V Sierra Wind in San Diego on October 31, 2020. It’s been interesting for me to read back through some of my earlier blog posts, reflecting on my early expectations of this adventure and then seeing how they unfolded in reality. Why did I quit my job to move onto a sailboat in the first place? I wanted to feel like I knew what to do with my life and it became apparent that I wasn’t finding the answers to this question in my career. I wanted to live the experiences that make me feel most alive on a daily basis and that I’ve found in my previous travels around the globe. So, now that I have been on a sailboat for an entire year, I have my life’s purpose figured out, right? To be honest, I am probably more confused than ever!

Before jumping onboard, I was convinced the sailing life would fit me like a glove and maybe one day I would become a captain or own my own boat. I never would have thought that the actual act of sailing is what I enjoy least about the cruising lifestyle. Of course, we have beautiful, perfect days on the water from time to time. But I am embarrassed to say that on days when the swell or wind picks up and the boat gets rolling, I would rather be anywhere else, sometimes even back in an office. Leading up to an overnight passage or longer trip, I still worry about the pending weather and sea conditions, being uncomfortable or even sick with the constant motion of the boat or anticipation of things breaking. As it turns out, I have an anxiety disorder which I had just masked as perfectionism and overachievement for many years. Without a career to attach itself to, my anxiety came to the surface in other forms and is something I continue to struggle with and educate myself on. Maybe this journey isn’t so much about sailing around the world, but more of an internal voyage learning to overcome my own predispositions.

Over the last year, most of my personal growth has come from my relationship with Eitan. Our relationship was a bit backwards from the start considering I met him on a crew finding website. I met him in person only twice as I interviewed for the crew position, then moved into his cabin on the boat and got to know him as a friend. This eventually evolved to more of an actual relationship, all while spending every waking and sleeping second together. He has shown me what it’s like to be in a healthy, respectful relationship and how to communicate better. He has been a mirror for all of my insecurities and a great example of those who are secure in themselves. Eitan doesn’t have an ounce of perfectionism, people pleasing, co-dependence, jealousy, worry or unnecessary anxiety. He is confident in himself because he spends time predicting rational scenarios and preparing for them. He handles situations when they arise and doesn’t worry about things that haven’t happened yet or are unlikely to happen. When he gets upset or frustrated, he feels it then lets it go. Basically, we are exactly opposite from each other and I learn from him every day.

Am I still glad I quit my job and moved onto Sierra Wind? Hell yeah! Most days, I get to do the things that I love, like reading a good book while drinking tea, snorkeling and seeing all the different and amazing marine life, experiment with recipes while listening to podcasts, and watch the sunset from the beach then gaze at the stars as they arrive in the darkening sky. I get to learn new skills, although sometimes begrudgingly, like wiring a new outlet or switch and how to cook something edible when you are out of almost everything palatable. We get to see some of the most beautiful and remote places in Mexico and have a new beach in our backyard almost every day. We also get to meet some really incredible people who, as I have come to find out, also don’t know what they want to do with their lives, either!

Through this blog, I have discovered things about myself that haven’t come to the surface before and that I really enjoy writing my stories, week by week. Maybe one day I’ll turn these blogs into a book and maybe that will be my new path to discover my life’s purpose. I hope you enjoy reading of our different adventures as we sail along on S/V Sierra Wind and stay tuned as we (hopefully) cross the Pacific this next year.

For now, here are my top 5 picks for favorite high points and the not-so-fun lows of the last year sailing in the Sea of Cortez and along the Pacific coast of Mexico:

The highs:

1. Swimming in the strongest bioluminescence I’ve ever seen while in the northern Sea of Cortez and playing in the water as our bodies glowed with phosphorescence. Truly a magical experience. (Read about it here!)
2. Swimming with humpback whales off the tip of Baja and the several close whale encounters afterward. (Read about it here!)
3. The countless nights viewing an unobstructed Milky Way galaxy full of stars in the total absence of light pollution.
4. Seeing mega-pods of dolphins pass us by, playing and flipping in the air, while we watch from the dinghy. (Read about it here!)
5. Three perfect days of sailing from Puerto Vallarta to Mazatlán with a constant 10 knots of wind and glassy calm seas. (I had anxiety the entire time, worrying the condition would turn for the worse, but it showed me how wonderfully amazing light wind sailing can be and that all my worrying was for not) (Read about it here!)

The lows:

1. Contracting norovirus on New Year’s Eve 2020, while in La Cruz. (Read about it here.)
2. Throwing my back out within the first two weeks onboard and not being able to get out of bed or walk for days. (Read about it here.)
3. Our first Sea of Cortez crossing. Really, every crossing has been quite an uncomfortable and bumpy experience. (Read about it here.)
4. Our first (and luckily only) Chubasco thunderstorm. (Read about it here.)
5. The bees and moths that plagued the boat in the summer months when it was too hot to keep the cabin closed up. (Read about it here.)